Wednesday, May 27, 2009

In a Funk...

Summer is here, my favorite! My husband prefers the winter. OK, well, I'm antsy, I want to do things and I'm utterly unsatisfied. Which is not to say that I am not totally blessed and I would change my circumstances in any way, but I might like to amend the journey. He does P90X in the basement every night, getting totally ripped, while I'm upstairs, putting Ella to bed, cleaning up the kitchen, (but not doing the dishes, he does that,) then searching eBay or craigslist for the elusive perfect deal on an embroidery machine that does everything but costs nothing. Then I lay in the floor and trace patterns or cut out fabric, only not to sew them, because I'm waiting to buy the perfect sewing machine! In the meantime, I have gotten addicted to facebook, which is a MAJOR time drain, but so much fun. But I don't want to chat with all my old friends, I want to go out and do something with them. But wait, we all have kids and bedtimes and jobs and responsibility. Blah! Then when the weekend comes and we can go and do things, like hike (not swim, because I'm not ready for a swim suit yet) it's pouring down raining!! AAAHHHH! Here is my wants/don't wants list. I need to vent.

Things I want –
1. I want to bake delicious food from scratch and make a mess with Ella and never gain weight.
2. I want to swim everyday.
3. I want to put Ella in swimming lessons.
4. I want to sew beautiful clothes for Ella, and make curtains, and hand towels for every season.
5. I want to decorate my house in a light airy, warm theme that never has to be cleaned and always looks good.
6. I want a camper – not a RV, where’s the fun in that?
7. I want a home without TV!!!!
8. I want to go caving.
9. I want to do charity work.
10. I want to run through sprinklers.
11. I want to take classes or be part of a club: sewing classes, baking classes, photography classes, book club, fitness boot camp, geocaching, something, with a group that I really like.

12. I want to finish our basement and Bonus room.
13. I want to have another baby, without having another baby.
14. I want my husband to surprise me.
15. I want to go on an elaborate vacation. Not one, that I have bargain shopped for, for 6 months, and am too exhausted from doing all the planning to enjoy the trip.
16. I want to be in great shape, and I want it to be effortless.
17. I want more time.
18. I want a paycheck and benefits to stay home with Ella.
19. I want to be debt free.
20. I want to hunger and yearn for the presence of God, like I have in the past.
21. I want Ella to say “I love you” and then kiss me.
22. I want to have time to read.
23. I want to make digital scrapbooks for each year of my marriage.
24. I want to go to the theatre, not the movie theater.
25. I want to know what to feed Ella.
26. I want to make fun crafty projects but not have to clean up.
27. I want a deep freeze, a storage house, a riding lawn mower, a Bernina sewing/embroidery machine; I mentioned the camper, a pool, and a new treadmill.
28. I want an adventure.
29. I want Jason and I to want the same things.

Things I don’t want –
1. I don’t want ants, spiders, termites, mosquitoes, worms, grasshoppers, or any other creepy crawly around me or my plants and especially not in the house.
2. I don’t want to pull weeds.
3. I don’t want to move up a clothing size.
4. I don’t want to spend all my time on the computer.
5. I don’t want to work out in the basement – I need fresh air!
6. I don’t want to clean grout or toilets.
7. I don’t want to stand in line.
8. I don’t want to manipulate spreadsheets all day.
9. I don’t want to be sore, tired, or grumpy.
10. I don’t want to have a headache.

OK - I feel better already...Now that you've suffered through reading all that, on a lighter note, MeeMaw got a table for Ella for one of her birthday presents. We are trying to teach her not to take her sippy cup into the living room and only drink at the table. She's doing pretty good, but its been a challenge getting her to not climb on the table.

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  1. I know exactly how you feel. I can't tell you how many times I've had lists like that going through my head. It can be very depressing actually. I know what it's like sitting on the computer for hours, wishing and dreaming, having to deal with the baby while hubby is "busy" (at least yours is working out, mine's usually sitting on his rear end.) Wanting to do so many things, that just aren't possible now. So, I totally feel ya... and I am so with you on the tv free home!!!
    I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you... but I don't, because I deal with these feelings as well. I just keep telling myself to enjoy this time with my kids, because it will be gone before I know it, try to think about what I have, instead of what I don't, and I pray and ask God to give me that hunger for Him back again. I'm glad you felt better after you blogged, sometimes it really helps to put your emotions down like that.

  2. I am not going to say that I have been in your shoes - because I haven't and no one else has. I am going to say that I have felt some of the same things. At the time I had a wonderful friend that told me two things that stick with me to this day (that was 4 years ago!)and I believe have changed my attitude daily. Sometimes I have to remind myself of them and it always puts a smile on my face and helps me when things get rough (or at least I think they are rough!).

    1. When doing ANYTHING, do it like you would if Jesus was right beside you. I won't go into detail on this but this has changed everything, from the way I treat my kids, my husband, my friends, and even the way I clean my house!!!

    2. Take care of yourself FIRST! If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your family. I make time at some point to exercise because if I am in shape I feel better. I give myself 30 minutes a day to do whatever I want - what I do varies daily but ALWAYS helps my mental state!

    These are not my words of wisdom - just some I thought I would pass along that have helped me. Glad you shared your thoughts - I have several on my list the same!!!


  3. I walked away and got to thinking that I should clarify that I don't always do the two things I mentioned. Some days I do and some days I fail at them. I find when I do them things seem better. I just didn't want you to think I was saying I was all perfect or anything because I am FAR from that - but I did want to share them with because they truly have helped me. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up!!!

    By the way - I used your pillowcase dress pattern- understood it perfectly and hope to have pics soon of Anna in her dress - thanks!!!

  4. I think "funks" happen to all of us for different reasons, but things will get better. But if you ever want someone to sew with just let me know you can bring Ella and she can play with my girls and you can have some you one to talk to while you sew. Also there is a place in Jasper that my mom just got a babylock sewing machine from. They gave her a REALLY good deal on a machine. The name of the store is SEW Simple. You might want to give them a call. If you call them and they give you a good deal I will even ride up there with you and show you where the store is. They told my mom to let her friends know they will work with them on the price.

  5. It's me again... I wanted to let you know that I've tagged you to list 6 unimportant things you love. Go check it out on my blog and then spread around the happiness. Hope you're having a great weekend.